Talk: Role of the Father

The role of the father is multi faceted. As I see it there are five aspects to this role, that of a husband, Example or Role Model, Disciplinarian, Protector and Comforter.


Husband

When I was younger I once heard, though I do not remember who said it or where it came from, that the best thing a father could do for his children was to love and cherish his wife.

For those of us that are married our wives are the most important persons in our lives. Eventually our children will leave home to make homes of their own and our sweet wives will be the only one that we will have. So we need to make sure that we love them, and continue to do those things to keep the spark, or love alive. That means that we need to make sure to spend quality alone time with them and make sure to take the time to show them our love and appreciation.

In my last ward our Stake President once told us that it is our responsibilities as a husband to pray nightly with our wives and that we should make sure to express our love one for another in these prayers. Make sure that they know we love them.

For those of us who are not married, make sure to start now and learn to show our appreciation for those wonderful daughters of God in our midst. Treat them with respect, love and dignity. Do not do anything to blemish them or yourselves. Keep yourselves clean and be an example for your future family. Remember there will come a time when you are older and your kids may be in dire situations and you will want to make sure that they can look at your youth as an example on how they should act.

For the mothers, President Faust gives this advice: “Let every mother understand that if she does anything to diminish her children’s father of the father’s image in the eyes of the children, it may injure and do irreparable damage to the self-worth and personal security fo the children themselves. How infinitely more productive and satisfying it is for a woman to build up her husband rather than tear him down. You women are so superior to men in so many ways that you demean yourselves by belittling masculinity and manhood.”

Example/Role model

Brethren, we are the patriarchs and priesthood holders in our homes. We have been given an awesome responsibility to not only teach our children those things that they should do but to live it as well. There is no better teaching tool, than to teach by example.

If we are not living the way that the Lord has prescribed then more often then not our children will not as well. That does not mean that our children will always do what is right. I have seen this in my family. My father has always been a shining example on how we should live. He has not been perfect, but he has been perfectly repentant. Even with this example my siblings, and myself have had many struggles in regards to the church and life. Though more often then not his example has brought them back.

American General Douglas MacArthur once said: “By profession I am a soldier and take pride in that fact. But I am prouder-infinitely prouder- to be a father. A soldier destroys in order to build; the father only builds, never destroys. The one has the potentiality of death; the other embodies creation and life. And while the hoards of death are mighty, the battalions of life are mightier still. It is my hope that my son, when I am gone, will remember me not from the battle but in the home repeating with him our simple daily prayer, ‘Our Father who art in heaven.’”

President Theodore Tuttle of the First Council of the Seventy once told a story of an elementary school teacher who had students write essays in hopes that it would motivate the fathers to attend a PTA meeting. The fathers came in $4,000 cars and $400 cars-bank president, laborer, clerk, salesman, meter reader, baker, etc.-“Every man with a definite estimate of himself in terms of money, skill, and righteousness or looks….The children’s essays were read at random. ‘I like my daddy,…he built my doll house, took me coasting, taught me to shoot, helps with my schoolwork, takes my to the park, game me a pig to fatten and sell.’ Scores of the essays could be reduced in essence to: ‘I like my daddy. He plays with me.’ Not one child mentioned his family house, car, neighborhood, food or clothing. The fathers went into the meeting from many walks of life; they came out in two classes: companions to their children or strangers to their children”

Elder Tuttle said again that the father is to be an example of the highest Christian values. To walk uprightly in the admonition of the Lord requires not only patience and forbearance, but an exercise in constant practice of all the Christian virtues by each family member. Perhaps the Lord knew this when he instituted the family. A man needs the responsibility of a wife and family. He needs the responsibility of being an example of righteousness. There is wisdom in this requirement. This kind of gentle persuasion is needed to keep a father “on course” and gently guide him towards perfection.

Disciplinarian

Discipline is part of the process of governing children. The Lord has told us how: Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, not anger, and then showing forth afterwards an increase in love towards him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy (D&C 121:43)

Protector

The father is the protector of the home. In the past the home was protected by locking and shutting doors. This protection only protected against the dangers of a physical being trying to come into your home. Now the task is much more difficult. There are many influences, via TV, music, magazines, the internet and friends that need to be guarded against, and the only way to do that is through teaching and enforcing correct Gospel principles, not as a dictator but as a loving teacher.

President Faust also mentions that we should protect our homes from the worries and trials at the office. We should leave those things at the door. I remember a portion of a story from when I was younger. I do not remember the premise of the story just one aspect of it. In the story there was a man that was providing shelter for an individual that was in the area for medical treatment. Everyday when they would come in to the home together the father of the home would touch one of the branches on the tree outside of their home. One day the stranger asked the father why he did that, and the father had mentioned that this was his worry tree. Every day he would touch the tree and leave the worries of the world with it so that he would not burden his family with those things to help to keep the spirit of the home.

Social Scientists agree that the degradation of the society in which we currently live can be pointed back to the times of the industrial revolution. They believe that it was during this time that the focus of the father changed. They believe that the focus shifted from the well being of the family to earning money to support the family.

Pulitzer Prize winning columnist William Raspberry wrote that “Social Scientists across the political spectrum tell us that father absence is a stronger predictor of criminal behavior than family income, education or…race.”

Comforter

As we all know life it not easy and is only gong to get worse. In these times of trial no one can go on alone. As fathers and priesthood holders we have the ability to help provide comfort to our children in many ways.

First of all we are to love our children and as such we should have the desire to console our children in times of need. Sometimes this is as simple as giving them a hug or just an open ear to hear what they are going through. Other times it may require more than that.

We also have the ability through the priesthood to provide our children with the great Comforter, the Holy Ghost. This will help our children when pressured against the world. In addition we can use our priesthood to give blessings of comfort and health.